


Stop and Think

by J_Mari



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-10 20:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10446249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_Mari/pseuds/J_Mari
Summary: As the days draw closer until the plan to defeat Zarkon begins, Allura is left to her own thoughts. From loss to love, this tale of friendship and forgiveness focuses on the emotions the Altean princess faces before the battle begins.Dedicated to my good friend Mo for getting me into this show and hopelessly obsessed with my Altean QUEEN,  Shallura, and Pidge~!





	1. Let's Walk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ghostlymo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostlymo/gifts).



The shadow from the Altean princess's figure grew longer and the light grew dimmer. Coran had only left her an hour after relaying his words of encouragement, but the time she spent on the promenade deck overlooking the teludav seemed like an eternity. Her brain was filled with racing thoughts, yet she failed to occupy her mind with a single one. The air grew colder. Her crossed arms moved up and down with the slow rhythm of her breathing. It wasn't until the low rumble of a familiar voice stirred her from her stupor, that Allura snapped back into a more conscious state.

"Princess..." Shiro began, words trailing, as he thought of what to say, "Are you okay?"

She turned her head slightly before responding, "Yes." Allura let her arms fall gently to her sides as she turned to face him, "I was just getting a little bit of air."

"An hour is a long time for 'a little air'" Shiro responded skeptically, crossing his own arms in turn, "What's on your mind?"

Allura gave a small sigh. As much as she wanted to share her burdens, she hadn't entirely sorted out what exactly they were just yet. She also wasn't entirely sure if she wanted to share them with the team at all. They already had so much on their plates, and she didn't want to add anything more. She saw the tired stoop in Shiro's stature that only reaffirmed her thoughts. Realizing Shiro was also waiting for an answer, she quickly thought up of a reasonable lie.

"Well, I was just thinking about those calzones Hunk was yelling about earlier!" she painted a smile on her face to make it all the more convincing, "Don't you think they'd be quite ready by now?"

He gave an amused smile, but his voice seemed concerned, "If by 'quite ready' you mean packed away in the fridge for a half hour, then yes. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Perfect," Allura responded cheerfully. "Why don't we heat them up and have a quick snack?" She walked up to him, showcasing her smile much more prominently, but it still took Shiro a few seconds to believe, or at least go along with, her story. The pair conversed lightly on the way down to the main kitchen by everyone's quarters. The topics for discussion ranged from the weather to interplanetary politics to Pidge's latest ingenious invention, but it never seemed to land on what was looming just over the horizon. It didn't need to. It wasn't wanted. The exchange was plentiful enough, and by the time they had reached the chrome doors situated next to the mess hall, they had both forgotten about Allura's earlier daze. The doors slid open with a mechanical whizz, and the pair was greeted with a warm welcome from the rest of the Paladins, who were still lazing around after Hunk's cooking escapade.

"Hey princess!" Lance waved, "Come down for a midnight snack?"

"Yes, well, I came to try out these calzones I've heard about!" Allura stepped in with Shiro following behind her, "I'm surprised you all are still down here."

"We finished cooking about a half hour ago," Pidge emerged from behind the open fridge door, "but these guys aren't moving an inch. The kitchen's probably even messier than before!"

"Hey!" Hunk exclaimed, "Keith and I did most of the cooking, so I think it's only fair that _we_ do that relaxing!"

The four began bickering about this-and-that as Allura sat herself down on a counter by the entrance. She was rather bemused by the lack of concern the paladins seemed to possess for their upcoming battle with Zarkon. Allura rested her head upon her hand, staring blankly at the rambling group, as her consciousness slipped back into the recesses of her mind. Despite the playful clamor coming from the room, she again found herself sorting through what seemed like an endless stream of thoughts. One stood out to her in particular, as she caught sight of Keith's gleeful smile. She enjoyed seeing them all playing around with one another. Her familial ties with the team are something she treasures so immensely.

It pained her to remember the hatred she harbored toward Keith. She was disgusting and cruel to him. It was hard to imagine she could ever become so bitter. An anger so deep it had made her sick to her stomach when she first saw him as a Galra. She lowered her head and her eyes began to dart around the floor as she went from one frightening thought to another. Her breathing became more labored and she sat up straight in an effort to regain her composure. Her face became hot and her eyes began to burn.

"Princess, your calzone." Shiro's voice seemed to have come out of nowhere.

"What?" Allura asked as she snapped back to reality.

"Your calzone," Shiro repeated, holding the plate in front of her, "I went ahead and heated it for you."

"Oh, well, thank you, I-" she replied, coming down from the counter, a troubled air about her, "I'll go ahead and eat that now."

Shiro had pulled the plate away from her before her hand could grab the snack. He lowered the plate on the counter and placed a steadying hand upon Allura's arm.

"I'm not thoroughly convinced that you're okay. You seemed a bit stressed."

Allura straightened her posture, "I'm sure I'm just a bit exhausted from overworking the teludav. I'll just head to my quarters now and get some rest."

"I'll make sure you get there soundly."

Allura did not deny his company, and Shiro quietly followed her out the door. He stayed a few paces behind her as she slowly meandered the halls of the castle. He carefully watched her from behind, taking note of the minor idiosyncratic behaviors characteristic of the times when Allura is troubled, of which he saw quite a few in the past few minutes. The added silence did not do anything to calm his concern.

"You know you can talk to me about anything." He said softly, continuing to pace steadily behind her.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Did you want me to leave you alone earlier?" Shiro asked as they were soon arriving at her quarters, "Or was it Keith? He doesn't hate you, you know."

"It's just-" Allura stopped in her tracks, sighing heavily, "I'm so- _worried_ about the things I've said and the things I've done. I've hurt you all in so many ways and I'm afraid I won't live up to what my father expects me to. This battle with Zarkon is coming so soon and the only one who seems to be scared is me. Am I the only coward amongst all of you?"

"You're not the only one who's scared."

"Well, it certainly feels like it."

The silence resumed as the pair stood outside her door. Realizing that he had better say something to her before she became even more unsettled, he gave a sincere reassurance.

"Like, I said, if you need someone to help calm your nerves, especially with you operating the teludav on the missio-"

"I already know that I might not make it," She interrupted, placing her hand on the the scanner by her door, "I've already come to terms with it. You don't need to remind me."

"Princess, this is ridiculous." Shiro sternly stated, noticing the trembling of her fingers, "I know you're struggling and I want to help. I don't understand why you're avoiding us now."

"I don't need your help."

"You can count on us, we're like your family!"

"Why do you insist on pestering me about this," Allura's tone grew more forceful as she entered her room, "Don't make this as hard for you as it already is for me."

Shiro's voice grew to match hers, "Allura, what are you talking about, I-"

"Please!" She turned abruptly to face Shiro with tears welling in her eyes, "Please. Leave."

Silence filled the hall. His voiced became soft.

"Allura-"

"I apologize for my behavior," She said abruptly, eyes focused elsewhere, her voice becoming diplomatic, yet cold, "but I require some time to myself."

"No, please, don't shut me out, I can-"

The door to her quarters closed promptly in Shiro's face. He ran a tight fist through his hair and gave an exasperated sigh. His heart sank, and so did hers.


	2. Let's Talk

Allura fell to her knees the moment the doors closed behind her. She was tired in more ways than one, and all she wanted to do was sleep. Her unforgiving thoughts, however, prevented her from any relief. She leaned her head back against the door and let her frustration, fear, and sadness pour out with silent tears. Given her strong demeanor, however, it only a few minutes for her to collect herself and begin to sort through her thoughts -The first being a consideration to apologize to Shiro.

The Alteans were a very diplomatic race and never wanted to maintain negative relations -especially with valued individuals. Allura wiped her tears, fixed her dress, and stood to open the door. She would apologize for her behavior, assure him that she was okay, and proceed to further ease her mind of her tribulations by herself. It seemed like a solid plan that could keep the situation well under wraps.

Upon opening the door, however, she was surprised to see Shiro standing there, leaning against the door frame.

"Shiro, what are you still doing here?"

"I couldn't just leave you like this,” He shifted his weight onto the other leg to stand up straight, towering slightly over her.

“You shouldn’t be here, not now.”

“You don’t want me here?”

“I mean, at this time,” Allura gazed left and right, “what if the others-“

“Allura, it’s okay,” Shiro reassured, “What’s gotten into you lately? You’re not usually like this.”

  
“Like what?” Allura asked, subtly avoiding direct eye contact with Shiro.

“Well for starters,” Shiro laid his hand on her arm, “This ‘professionalism’ never lasts this long. Especially when we’re alone.”

Allura remained silent, not denying his observation.

"I know there must be a lot on your mind right now." Shiro let his hand fall, ”You don't have to talk, but I'll be here for you.”

After another moment of silence, Allura met Shiro’s eyes with her own and she turned into her room. The two sat down at the edge of her bed. They’ve both shared many comfortable moments in Allura’s room, from additional mission debriefings to exchanging jokes from their own home planets, but this particular moment left the pair in a strange state. Shiro, wary of accidentally overstepping Allura’s boundaries with her current emotional condition, sat a little further away than he normally would. He sat slightly hunched over, twiddling his thumbs trying to fill his mind in the absence of dialogue. The two sat in silence, neither looking in the other’s direction.

  
"Sometimes..." Allura began out of nowhere, drawing Shiro’s attention, ”Sometimes, I remember that day.” Her hands in her lap were shaking ever so slightly as she clenched her fists, bunching the fabric of her dress.

Her eyes were focused a million miles away, “The screaming, the crying, the dying- I cannot fathom the thought of reliving it again.”

He looked at her in a way he had never done before. Sure, he’s comforted her on many previous occasions, but somehow he felt her vulnerability on a much more personal scale. His chest tightened as he could feel her sadness and pain grow stronger in her voice.

“I know I have Coran, the Paladins, and I have you,” she brought her arms up to her chest, crossing them in front of her, “but sometimes I just feel so alone.”

She began talking about Altea. Her words were warm and kind, yet they harbored such a melancholy nostalgia that did nothing to calm her emotions. She first talked about what life was like in the surrounding villages and territories of her kingdom, but eventually went on to talk about the members of the Altean court. There was something about a funny footman and a strange storage keeper, but Shiro could not focus on any details. He was too concerned with the fact Allura may again be avoiding her dilemma. He drew a slow breath to begin gently coaxing her to share her troubles when she says something that again catches his ear.

“I miss my father,” The warmth in her voice turned cold and the one-sided conversation soon took a dark turn, “Every moment I think of all the things he could have done if he were alive- great things- and it would be an incredible disservice to my people if I failed to achieve his dreams.”

“I need to be the hero who brings salvation to my people,” she sat up straight and wiped away the tears that quickly began forming in her eyes, “And I know I must take this risk with the teludav in order to take down Zarkon and have my revenge. I will do anything as princess of Altea, but-”

Allura took a sharp breath inward, slowly exhaling as she contemplated what to say next. Her focus seemed to finally return to the room she was in as her eyes darted around the room, taking in her surroundings.

“I don’t want to die. There are things and,” she turned to face his already staring eyes, “people in this universe I can’t give up.”

Allura stopped suddenly.

“I- I’ve overstepped my place,” she quickly rescinded her gaze and fixed her hands onto her lap, “I really shouldn’t share with you any more of this in detail.”

“What do you mean?” Shiro spoke, causing Allura to flinch slightly at the sudden intrusion of his long-absent voice, “Why can’t you tell me?”

“It’s not in my place to share,” Allura returned her gaze, only this time it was filled with conviction and seriousness, “As the commander of Voltron, I must-“

“You must what?” Shiro questioned, “Allura, you know you mean more to us than just being our commander. We don’t expect you to shoulder your burdens by yourself.”

“What makes you think I’m shouldering any burdens?” Allura responded defensively, “And even if I was, I’m not obliged to tell you about them”

“We’re all going through our own hardships, why can't we help you through this?” Shiro’s voice grew more desperate, “Why do you keep running away from us?”

"You know why I'm running." Allura stood up, "I'm afraid to get hurt over and over again."

“Allura, what are you talking about?” Shiro grew even more agitated, as he does when he’s under a lot of stress, ”Doesn’t it hurt you more being apart from us like this?”

“No, Shiro, you don’t understand, I just-“

“No, I guess I don’t understand,” He stood, turning around to pace around the room frustratingly, “I don’t understand why you don’t want us -why you don’t want _me_ \- to be with you at times like this.”

“Please don’t think of it like that-“

“How else am I supposed to think of this? You pushing me away? What else could that possibly say about how you feel about me-“

”Shiro, I love you so much, it pains me to think that I may never see you again." Her voice was hurried and broken from the tears that were now streaming down her face with no restriction, ”I don't ever want you to feel that pain.“

Another silence ensued, this time filled with the subtly of Allura’s shaking breaths. He turned slowly to see her face red and hot with a blush that blended nicely into her beautiful, dark complexion.

"Say that again.” He said softly, but with conviction.

"I don't want you to get hurt."

He walked over to her trembling form and cupped her face in his human left hand, ”Allura.”

"Shiro..." she breathed shakily, bringing her teary eyes up to meet his, “I love you."


End file.
